Brace Yourself

The first of my kids now has braces. I'm sure there will be more, but he's the first. He's only 8 so he's not only the first one in the family, but also the first one in his grade. He can't tell if that's bad or not yet. We warned him about the potential teasing but that hasn't materialized, mostly the other kids just think they're cool. Novelty and all.
He's one of those kids that really does need braces. He has significant structural issues in his tiny mouth which I believe are a direct result of his mother. She's beautiful, but she does have a tiny mouth. There are probably lots of other genetic defects (I like to call them features) that I have to take credit for, but not the tiny mouth. My mouth is normal. So normal in fact that I still resent the fact that I had to have braces at all. I distinctly remember the orthodontist telling my mom that my teeth didn't have any problems, bu they could be straightened out a little. I was sitting right there! I could hear everything he said! He said that I didn't really need them! I had a brief moment of joy but was immediately crushed when my mom started discussing how much it would cost to just straighten them out. Damn near jumped out of the chair and ran away.

By the time I got my braces on in 7th grade, so many people had them that it wasn't a big deal. Nobody cared except me and I didn't care what they looked like. I was the most awkward 7th grader you could possibly imagine and I was pretty aware of the fact that braces weren't going to be the deciding factor about whether I was going to get kissed by a girl. I had way bigger problems than that. No, I didn't like them for two different reasons. The first was taking care of them. Suddenly about half of the food I liked was on the don't eat list. Not that I really stopped eating much of it, but if I didn't sneak it then I got yelled at for it. The reason most of it was on the no eat list was that it got stuck in my braces and then I had all kinds of trouble getting it out. Brushing my teeth was never one of my favorite things, but with braces it became horrible. I actually developed worse brushing habits when I had braces. If I couldn't get something out, I just left it in under the assumption that if I gave it enough time it would soften and be easier to get out. As long as it wasn't visible in my front four teeth, I didn't work too hard at it. Now that might have affected getting kissed now that I look back on it. Last night while trying to help my son floss between his braces my wife mentioned that I must know how to do it since I had braces. Sorry honey, I never, not once, flossed when I had braces.
The second reason I disliked my braces was the implication that my smile, which I'd had my whole life and was quite fond of, wasn't quite good enough for the world. I needed improving. I had pretty high minded ideals for a 7th grader and resented this terribly. This was vanity, but not my vanity. This was vanity being forced upon me by others. Injustice! I was wrong though. Not wrong that it was vanity being forced upon me, but that it was injustice that only I was facing. Being exceptionally akward it never occured to me that at some point a straight smile would matter. I couldn't grasp that slight adjustments in my teeth might actually make a difference in how people see me. A crooked smile wouldn't matter if I was a ditch digger or a lawn mower (or a stay at home dad in fact) but it could make my entry into some jobs harder. Sales, politics, acting, even being a lawyer in front of a jury, are all things where people's performance can be affected by their looks. We might not like this, but do some extent, it's true. No parent wants to purposely shut doors in their kids' lives. They want to believe, and make as possible as they can, that everything is open to them. It took me a long time to understand that my parents may or may not have been doing something to improve my life, they couldn't possibly know the outcome then, but they were trying. That trying, that actively giving a damn, makes a difference.
So my son has braces. His teeth would grow in without them, he'd still be able to chew and smile. But in his tiny mouth he'd end up with a wild snarl of teeth. I'm not sure what effect this would have on him as an adult. I really don't know, and I don't get a do-over on it. I've just got to do what my parents did, do what I think is best, and assure him that he'll thank me for it someday. Maybe he actually will, maybe he'll carry just a hint of adolescent bitterness way too far into adulthood. Could go either way.