Earned Time

I do not like going to the dentist. I really don't like people putting their hands in my mouth. It makes me very physically and emotionally uncomfortable. How can anybody look at a job description that says -Put hands in others mouths, muck about with sharp tools, cause physical pain and emotional trauma- and say "sure, sign me up!" How does that thought process work? The only dentist I've ever liked was the one that pulled my wisdom teeth. He gave me drugs that were so good I didn't even know that I had seen him until the next day. I could party with that guy. The rest of them, even though they seem really nice, I'm very suspicious of their motivations.
But I go. My wife makes me. She wants me to be able to chew when I'm an old man. I also need to be a good example to my kids. It doesn't seem right to make them go every six months if I never do. I can honestly relate to them when they tell me that they don't like it. I don't either kid, but mommy says we have to.
Nine and a half years ago I gave up the idea of having time belong to me. When my wife was at work, I was the primary care giver. When my wife was off work I was part of the team. Not that I didn't do things by myself, I did, but that time was given to me. Time to take classes, time to run, time to weld, time to work on cars, time to just go for a drive. I maybe be ok at my job, but I need time to collect my thoughts now and again. That time away lets me be a better dad when I get back, and I'm always aware of getting back. Time away from my kids means time away from my wife, time away from participating as a family. My wife gave me that time to help me be happy and sane and a good dad and a good husband. I always came back as quickly as I could, it's where I wanted and needed to be.
A month ago my last baby started preschool. It's just three hours at a time two days a week. I like hanging out with him way too much to send him away for longer than that at three years old. In those three hours I can go for a run, take a walk, sit and read, or just watch the birds fly by. I can go to the dentist without needing to have my wife take off work to watch the babies while some weirdo puts their hands in my mouth.
Nobody has to give me that time now, it's mine. I raised four babies to the point where they are ready to participate in the world as their own people. In two years my youngest starts all day school. In nine years my oldest heads to college. In fifteen years I'll have an empty nest. At some point I'll have to figure out how to fill all of that time productively, but for now, I'm just sort of basking in the glow of these first few hours that I've earned.